I have a lot on my mind this morning. Maybe it is a few months of writer’s block coming out now in one sweeping stroke of my pen. I have been pretty silent on this blog since I left Panama. I had promised myself, as well as others, I would keep writing.
As most of you know Heidi and I are living in the United States now because we believe that God called us back to our home country. He made it apparent to us that this move was an act of obedience. It was difficult for us to obey, but by His grace we did.
After being back for nearly 4 months now I am feeling the weight of sin in our country and in myself. It is not that in Panama there is no sin—there is much. It is not that I didn’t have sin before—there was much. I am trying to express the heaviness I feel about being back in this country and my struggle; living with a stronger awareness of the sin around me. I know it is right that Heidi and I moved back; the Lord has provided many opportunities to live a life that gives glory to Him—many of which I am sure we have squandered.
My work is an awesome place for me to give testimony to Christ and His amazing grace. Why don’t I testify to it more often? My prayer life has suffered since we returned back to the States, especially recently. It is not that I don’t want to pray—but lack of thought or motivation to do so is difficult to overcome. I don’t want to play catch up with God—like I am doing with this blog! Help and prayer for this to be overcome is greatly appreciated.
At the same time Heidi and I have been sure of the God’s promises to us, despite, at least, my own failings as a follower of Christ. I trust in His grace that covers those who believe in Him and His mighty victory over sin.
As we were deciding whether or not to leave Panama and come back to the United States, I had a series of different dreams (I may share others in the future) in which I believe God was speaking and making promises to me. One of the promises, or words to encourage obedience, had to do with children.
God promised to Abraham, in the Book of Genesis that he would have a son through his wife Sarah. Immediately after Abraham is promised this, he and his entire household (the males) were circumcised. It was an act of obedience after a promise that God had made.
Many of you know that Heidi and I went through a miscarriage in January of 2008. It was a difficult time in our lives and the months that followed were not easy. But, many of you don’t know the next part of the story. This last January, as Heidi and I were trying to make a decision about whether to stay or leave Panama; God spoke to me in a dream saying, “Follow me! Obey me and you will have a child.” I woke up that morning knowing we were to return to the States. God is faithful and as of 6 weeks ago, I am going to be a daddy!
Heidi and I fully understand that this is really early to be announcing a pregnancy. What if it happens again? What if something goes wrong? Those are legitimate questions, but we believe in a God whose ways are higher than our own. We believe that our family in Christ should know about and be praying for the life that is developing in Heidi’s womb every step of the journey. We have had one appointment with a doc to confirm the pregnancy. We will see him again in two weeks to do an ultrasound and see if we can hear a heart beat. Please be praying for the baby’s development over the next few weeks.
Even though the weight of sin is always around us—whether we are aware of it or not, God’s mercy and grace extend past it. He is righteous and just, and faithful to forgive us. He never goes back on His Word. He always keeps His promises. This is why I trust that, through Christ, the weight of sin has been lifted and we can live lives that give Glory to Him without shame and without guilt. As it is written in Jeremiah 31:33-34,
“But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, “Know the Lord,” for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”
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